Looking in the Mirror
by Sinnii
Summary: It was like looking in a mirror. Yet this was all painfully real... Self-cest Zack/Older!Zack


Well, here goes another one!

This can go hand in hand with Skiba's **A Changing Situation**, go read it! I wrote this as per her request, thought it took a bit of will to get started since it's a bit different from what I'm used to doing.

I don't have much else to say about it, other than I hope you all enjoy it, and I'm eager to hear what you think of it...just don't be too mean.

Pairing: Zack/Zack(Fair) [Read **A Changing Situation** to understand]

Warnings: Sex, Language, usual

* * *

He had no idea how it started.

In all sense of _reality,_ what was taking place should have been impossible, yet here he was, face to face with _himself_…well almost face to face. He stared entranced, blue eyes glazed in lust as a frightfully familiar face bobbed up and down. Lips that were essentially _his_ yet not were wrapped around _himself_, shocks of pleasure racing up and down his spine. His own lips parted in soft pants, and calloused fingers curled into locks of unruly raven hair.

Fair let his head fall ever so slightly to the side, bringing his focus to a face unmarred by tragic scars, and a familiar pang of envy stung his heart. This boy had yet to witness the tragedies that would soon befall him, his face still lit up when he smiled…he still had faith in the company he fought for.

Maybe that was why Fair felt the way he did when he came face to face with Zack, himself seven years before everything went to hell. A plethora of strange feelings had gripped him when he gazed into eyes that glowed, not only from mako but something more…innocent. However it had taken time for Fair to realize that what he felt was a desire to take away that innocence, and it had made him feel quite dirty. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he took that from Zack; he had seen the end results…he'd _lived_ them.

Fair was brought out of his thoughts only briefly as those lips tightened around him and the suction on his sex increased. He released a shuddering breath and nothing more; after all, he didn't want to risk disturbing the blond in the next room. It wasn't easy though.

Honestly, how could Zack be so _talented_ with his mouth? Fair could not remember anything in his past that would indicate the presence of such skill. He'd never taken part in oral sex with another male before this, and he was with a Zack who had yet to meet the pretty little flowergirl in the slums. She was the only one Fair ever remembered going down on… His grip on Zack's hair tightened and he tugged slightly. A soft hum rose from the boy's throat, sending another shock through his body, and those blue eyes fluttered open.

Fair stilled when those eyes met his, and he was struck with a feeling of disbelief. How could it be that he had come face to face with his younger self? How was he able to see, hear, and _feel_ this other being when they were both _one and the same_? That unmarred face had been his, the raven hair gripped between his fingers was his, those blue eyes were _his_.

A soft growl rose in Fair's throat. His grip on Zack's hair tightened and he thrust up, roughly into the boy's mouth, suddenly quite aware of his body's need for release. After all, while he was still not sure how this affair got started, he knew _why_ it had. Zack's teenage urges and curiosity had met Fair's frustration and long-time need for true release, and it all somehow ended with them like this. He wasn't sure what Zack thought of the ordeal now, but as he thrust into that wet warmth that so wonderfully encompassed him, there was little more than a sense of liberation.

A muffled moan from Zack reached Fair's enhanced ears, and he responded with an almost feral growl that faded into a groan. It wasn't until he became aware of the grip Zack had on his hips that the thickening haze in his eyes lifted. Fair's body settled, allowing Zack to once again move on his own with only a soft sound of frustration on his part.

He was close. So fucking _close_.

A calloused hand joined that warm mouth, stroking at his exposed shaft whenever those lips moved up. Fair groaned, long and low, at the feeling, and his hips twitched ever so slightly. But he kept still. There was no need to be rough if Zack didn't want it; the boy had done nothing wrong, he only existed. What's more, this was Zack's _own time_ and Fair was the one out of place. What right did he have to take his frustration out on someone who not only merely existed but existed _when_ he was supposed to? But as Fair continued to gaze at the boy in his lap, he couldn't shake the absurdity of it all, the fact that this was his world yet not, that this other being was _him_ yet _not. _

When he gazed at that face-_his face_-it felt like it was some sort of fucked up dream, like he was going to wake up back in that lab being poked full of holes as a deranged man droned impassively of what experiment he was conducting; this pleasure would explode into agony, and the joy of escape would have been naught but a fabrication of his desperate mind.

So Fair looked away.

Perhaps he could imagine someone else? No. Physical pleasure and release had not been the only reason he took part in this act. There was still that underlying, sickening desire to "deflower" the boy, that hidden want to…not take away the innocence but to tarnish it a bit. But every time Fair looked at him, looked at _himself_, it felt so unreal, too unreal.

Then, he caught sight of the mirror.

He saw himself, and he saw the younger man that continued to work his sex and the reality of it all became clear. There were two men in that mirror. While one in the same, they were two, they were different. It wasn't a dream. To see the boy alone was like looking in a mirror, looking at his past. He saw what he had been, the life he'd had.

But that mirror on the wall reflected his present. It showed him who and what he was, showed what he had been, and what the boy in the mirror with him would become. How could he see so much in a pane of glass? How could a mere _reflection_ make everything so clear?

As impossible as it was, this was reality. He would not wake up to pain and false hope. No, he'd wake in the morning and find the catatonic blonde sleeping beside him; they would not be hidden in woods so that soldiers would not see them but would be in a room that was not his and yet was. He would wake to his mentor breathing and not dead by his hand. He would wake to the silver haired SOLDIER sane but still withdrawn. He would wake to the auburn haired SOLDIER that was his mentor's childhood friend, and the man would be whole, not slowly dying because of a scientist's failed ambition.

The pain in Fair's heart seemed to ease, and a weight that he'd forgotten lifted. His head fell back and hardened blue eyes fluttered shut. He hadn't realized that in his endeavor to find release, he'd been resisting somehow. His nerves suddenly ignited with ecstasy and a breathy moan spilled from his lips. Zack seemed to have gotten the right idea and took Fair deeper into his mouth and into his throat. For a fleeting second, Fair couldn't help but be impressed that the boy didn't gag; but the thought faded into a kaleidoscope of light and color behind his eyes.

Another soft moan from Zack sent vibrations down his shaft, pulling a louder groan from him. A knot was growing in the pit of his stomach, tightening steadily, seemingly to the rhythm of Zack's movement. Fair's hips twitched and bucked; he was _so close_ to the edge, and while he loved the sensations that coursed through his being, the need for release easily superseded anything else. However, he couldn't find his voice to tell the other.

Fair became acutely aware of his rapidly approaching orgasm, and that sick little part of his mind surfaced again. He jerked Zack's hair roughly, pulling him away as that knot unraveled. Before his world went white, he used his other hand to grip his sex and keep it steady, trained on the boy's face. Then his vision exploded in his orgasm. A long, low moan was the only warning he gave before he felt to pulse in his body that signaled his release. For the briefest moment, the world blanked from existence. Time stood still, and nothing that had happened or would happen in the future mattered. In that moment, all was perfect; he felt no pain, no worry. This complete bliss was so surreal, yet there was no way that it could be a false reality, no way at all.

As his mind came down from its high, his body still trembled with recurring pulses from his nerves. He was aware of how pleasantly warm his body was, and he sighed softly. He let the hand that gripped his shaft stroke leisurely up and down, coaxing as much of his seed as his body would allow. Fair was brought out of his little word when he felt movement from his other, clenched fist. He realized that he was still holding onto Zack's hair.

When he opened his eyes, Fair was face to face with himself. _His_ blue eyes looked back at him with a hint of…confusion and surprise. That unmarred face that had once been Fair's own now bore the smallest splashes of his seed, mostly off to one side.

The left side, Fair mused.

Without really thinking, Fair let the hand that gripped Zack's hair release its hold, and he slid it down the side of the boy's face. He rested his palm on the boy's cheek and traced the calloused thumb over that face. Before Zack could say anything, Fair brushed gently over Zack's soft lips, but his eyes remained fixed on Zack's. Then his gazed swept to the left to focus on one single spot on Zack's lower cheek, the spot that bore the single most painful scar on Fair's own face. Unwittingly, Fair smeared semen over Zack's skin as he brushed repeatedly over that spot, entranced by its…blankness.

Nothing was there. No indication of the single most agonizing moment of his short life tarnished this boy's skin.

There was still time.

He could fix everything.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Zack clearing his throat. Fair moved to meet the boy's gaze, and when Zack noticed that he had his attention, his face lit up in that grin that Fair remembered so clearly.

"Well, that was fun. Now you do me!"


End file.
